When I was growing up I swear dog poo was hard and white! Yep, you read correctly. Has she finally lost the plot I hear you say, well let me explain…….
Today, I took Daisy for a lovely walk in the sunshine. When I say walk, I walked but the lazy little madam refused so she was pushed in her wheelchair. We moo’d, quacked and barked at various animals (not necessarily the correct sound matching the correct animal, well you would be stretched to find a cow in Cardiff Bay). Daisy was quite content relaxing and taking in the fresh air until she decided all that sitting down and being pushed around was thirsty work! Gwar, Gwar, GGWWAARRRRR!! She just kept repeating her word for drink over and over again. I didn’t have many options, go back and pick up her cup from the car or go and buy a ‘baby’ cup from the closest supermarket, I chose the latter as it was the quicker choice. I picked up the pace and must have looked like one of those super fit parents that runs with a jogging buggy, however I am neither fit, was jogging or am a super parent, I just wanted to shut her up. Nearing the supermarket Daisy was getting more and more frustrated by her life threatening thirst and started swiping and grabbing anyone who came close, I had to get her a drink soon Daisy DOES NOT DO WAITING!
So, we get to the shop. The choice of cups isn’t great but I just buy the best of a bad lot and then buy some flavored water. I decide on using the self serve but as I reach for my purse I notice that Daisy has a piece of green plastic in her mouth. What on earth??? Grappling with her at the till it soon becomes obvious that this is no ordinary green plastic bag, this little gift is a dog poo filled plastic bag! Jesus, Where? What? How? Who’s? I then looked on her lap and perched between the fingers of her other hand was a small black bag, neatly tied, presumably with similar contents however I could not see into the black bag but my god the dog (I assume) who had once owned the contents didn’t have the same diet as dogs from my day, this bag was like a bag a slime, in fact both bags were in my opinion not how I remember dog poo as a child. Silently screaming I fought with Daisy to retrieve both bags of shite praying that the contents wouldn’t escape; swapping the bags for a dummy and my phone I was now the proud owner of two little parcels of crap. Great. What to do with them whilst paying? Is it wrong that I put them in the bin by the tills? It is, I know it is and I apologise for this selfish human act, but what’s a girl to do?
Feeling unclean, we rush back to the apartment. I thought it best to disinfect Daisy before we get in the car to head home, Why didn’t I just go home! Using any cleaning product I could find, she was scrubbed. Her hands will probably fall off today but at least they are clean. We head to the car.
Lift arrives, doors open, six people greet us, Daisy stands there with her new audience and quicker than lightening whips off her dress on the day I don’t put a vest on her. The awkward look on the two guys was priceless. So there was Daisy, top half naked, in a lift, me trying to put her dress on, her flesh touching all…….get me off the planet, please. Longest 20 seconds of mine and their life.
Finally……..
What on earth do dogs eat nowadays?
Apologies to the old couple by the till to the right of me, they should never have had to hear those choice words that spat out of my mouth on a sunny Sunday.
Sorry to the family of six in the lift. Yes, it was awkward, yes, it’s not something you expect when the lift opens, buy hey, it was only a pair of boobs, granted big, but boobs non the less!
Sorry to myself. I said I wouldn’t drink this weekend……yet again, I let myself down, hey ho, needs must.
Daisy Cannot Talk 