I wanna be weak…….

You can always tell I’ve been awake for hours when I start wittering on about inane and uninteresting things……..today is one of those days sorry. Best stop reading now.

Yesterday wasn’t good. Daisy wasn’t on the same planet as the rest of us, she was locked into her silent world with little movement (apart from her bowels ……. many times!). Sleep was alien to her the night before so I had only managed three hours sleep in total which doesn’t do my reflection much good, I looked horrific and any small child would have run screaming from me.

We started the day half a day before the rest of the planet and by 5 am bedding was changed, washed and drying, Daisy was zoned out on the sofa just staring at nothing, but not letting go of my hand……arghhhh, and I was watching a catch up of Trauma (I have to say, 3 hours of my life were wasted with that, shite ending). The day didn’t really improve. Daisy just lay like a little (cough) dead thing, not eating, drinking or interacting and to make it even worse bloody Davina McCall had replaced Holly on ‘This Morning’, shoot me now.

By 3pm I thought it best I try to bath Daisy. I prized my hand from hers and ran her a lovely bubbly bath. It took about 45 minutes of coaxing to get her to follow me and she was walking like she was on the moon, but we got to the bath and it was much more pleasant sitting next to her for the following hours.

Wine time, I mean Bedtime…….whoop whoop!

I think I fell asleep about 8.30pm, not sure, but 1am was the next time I definitely remember seeing on the clock. Surely she will go back to sleep? In the following hour I administered a sedative, to Daisy not me, changed her nappy, put tv on, turned it off, screamed, swore, screamed louder, swore more……. in fact, I half expected the police to break down my door, surely someone heard me scream? Course they didn’t, we are alone. They say sleep is for the weak, I wanna be weak……….

So today, let’s see, she’s a bit brighter looking, she’s sitting rather than lying down, she’s holding her iPad to her ear listening to Fireflies on repeat, she’s not eaten or drunk anything but it’s early so I’m hopeful. She is still silent but giving me the odd smile. Oh, and I haven’t smothered her! I do wonder if her insides are dissolving though as there can’t possibly be any more nappies to change, but they keep on coming.


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