It’s been a while I know but you really would not have wanted to read what I had to say for the last few months! It’s been very difficult, emotional, tiresome but hey, shit happens and now we must get on with our lives.
Daisy is amazing. Don’t get me wrong, she has not sprouted angel wings in the last couple of months but what she has done is shown what an incredibly strong character she is. The incomprehensible pain she suffered last year is forgotten in her world. She has forgiven me, I can see it in her goofy (bad choice of phrase) smile. Every day I’m reminded as I stare at her lost looks and I feel so sad but what’s the point, I can’t magic her teeth back, they have gone and she didn’t even have a chance to pop them under her pillow for a pound off the tooth fairy (not sure what the going rate per tooth is nowadays but if it’s more than a pound per tooth, wow, it’s just as well that b****h of a dentist didn’t give them back to me!) Damn, I knew my bitterness would slip in.
So, what has changed? Well, Daisy has lost quite a bit of weight but I guess if you have 21 teeth butchered from your mouth and don’t eat for nearly a month because the pain is so intense weight loss is inevitable. Her seizure pattern has increased, oh and she looks like a little gummy old lady! Unfortunately her sleeping pattern hasn’t changed and she still insists on torturing me with rattling her bed rail at 1, 2, 3am, in fact I have to say that on certain nights it’s actually been her lack of teeth that has saved her life for if she hadn’t given me a toothless grin I swear she would now be in the great big dentist chair in the sky!
Does Daisy care about looks? Does she heck. This blissfully unaware teenager just gets on with being Daisy but me, being the selfish individual that I am, well I’m devastated and I doubt I’ll ever get over what has happened to her. Everyone tells me you can’t tell until she smiles but they lie to be kind and many would argue this, but I’m not daft!
So, here we are, 2018. Another year and who knows what will be thrown at us? Who knows what will test my patience? What I do know is that whatever happens Daisy will remain un-phased. Me, assuming my liver holds out, will do my best to care for this incredible girl who on alternate days I want to love and then murder. She tests every part of me but ultimately she needs me so I will fight for her, what has happened isn’t over but so far as my tedious posts go it is and no more will be said……….famous last words!
10 thoughts on “It’s been a long time………”
Please don’t ever feel you can’t write. No matter how dark the feelings!
Thank you, but I don’t think anyone should have to suffer my words when I’m angry, actually, no one should have to read any of the misery I write about!
LikeLiked by 1 person
If they don’t want to read they won’t. But for You, writing us a cathartic experience. Please do let out that anger and pain.
Annie, you’re doing a fab job, I don’t know how you do it day in day out! You shouldn’t beat yourself up!
Daisy is your baby and you’ll always do what’s best for her xxx
I’m not beating myself up, just drinking lots of wine!
I for one think you are an incredible mother. X
Really? If only I was, thank you anyway. X
I have only just come across this, you are doing an amazing job regardless how u feel you always put your amazing girl1st, my son goes to the same school as daisy and when I have seen you it is priceless how you are with daisy, your fabulous and just remember that xxx
Wow Gemma, thank you, however I am now mindful that I need to behave myself when I’m in public with Daisy, note to self……do not swear! X
I’ve really missed your blog it’s so humbling and yes Annie you are doing an amazing job with Daisy, only you know how hard it is we can never understand fully what you go through. Keep up your wonderful care for your daughter .
LikeLiked by 1 person